I wish I could punch you in the face.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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