Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My cat gives me a boner
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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