I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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