Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
