If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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