STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
