sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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