I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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