When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
