i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
