Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
