pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
