a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
