a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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