hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
