I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
