that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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