just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
