im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
