I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me i tasted like america
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How does one acquire holy water?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
