I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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