Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
