Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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