he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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