Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
