Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
