Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
