Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
