tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
