Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
