shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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