Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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