So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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