You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
