I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
