Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
