you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
