i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
