A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
