I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
