How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
