Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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