Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
