i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
