This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
