i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
