Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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