Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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