Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
