JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
