You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
