The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
