He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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